Now that Thanksgiving is coming, I have so many fond memories of my brother Johnny. My memories keep him alive in my heart.

Our grandmother from Germany always lived with us. She and our grandfather owned a German restaurant and bakery in New York City for 2 decades. Johnny and I were extremely close to her. Our grandfather tragically died very young before the age of 40. Our Thanksgivings would be a blend of both American and German traditions. Some years we had roasted goose instead of turkey. Most of the time we would have turkey plus Sauerbraten which is German Pot Roast. Additional foods would be German potato pancakes, red cabbage salad, pickled vegetables, cole slaw salad, sauerkraut, spaetzle, bratwurst, and tomato soup. The best part of Thanksgiving would be the deserts, especially Apple Strudel and Black Forest Cake. Johnny and I would “help” our grandmother and mother make these magical Thanksgiving dinners and deserts. Our favorite was making a Black Forest Cake with layers of moist chocolate cake, cherries and whipped cream plus there was brandy. We loved eating the leftover whipped cream and chocolate batter. Johnny was quite talented in cooking and baking so it was not surprising that he became a professional cook and baker in various venues.

I cherish these memories and am always very grateful for them. I am also grateful that I was blessed with the best brother one could have.

Donovan, I know you are watching over all of us who love and miss you. It’s so hard to live without you sometimes (every minute really). This Halloween will be your niece’s first Halloween (and her first Thanksgiving & Christmas). All of these firsts are joyous but so sad to me at the same time. You are an Uncle! Uncle Donovan.

Halloween has always been so special for me- after all you and your sister share birthdays on that day – but it has also become a very hard day for me. You should be here my babyboy. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. Keep watching over us. Keep watching over your niece on all her “firsts.”

I love you bunches–Mom xoxo

From Jody’s point of view, Halloween started right after the Fourth of July when the grocery stores started stocking bags of candy. It seems like he bought at least one bag a week, often more. He would hid them in different places throughout our apartment, but I would eventually find them all. I asked him once why he bought so much candy given that we only averaged a dozen trick-or-treaters every Halloween. With his sly, Chesire cat grin, he would chuckle and say: “Don’t worry about it. I’ll eat it all eventually.” And so, he did, finishing the last piece between Christmas and New Year’s.

Today, five and a half years later, I find I have five bags of candy stashed in the kitchen cupboards when I only remember buying two. I guess Jody’s Halloween spirit has been busy multiplying the sweets. I just hope he comes back to eat whatever is left over. Otherwise, I’ll have to eat it myself.

A coalition was formed recently by public health agencies and leaders from several Northeastern states and Western states to make their own guidelines on public health issues, including vaccines. I am proud of my home state of New Jersey for being part of this coalition whose goals are to protect the health and safety of its citizens by using evidence based on science and data. It appears that we cannot rely or trust the present Federal leadership with this task as they tend to undermine health guidelines and actions needed and dismiss the threats.

Many of the cases and deaths during Covid-19 were avoidable, including my brother’s. Approximately four decades of flaws, inefficiencies, lack of preparation and neglect in public health policies and mandates were evident during the pandemic. Sadly and tragically it appears that the present Federal administration has not learned anything from all the Covid-19 tragedies. Our citizens will not be safe in future pandemics. Every state presently needs a coalition to prepare and protect its citizens.

I write this as I watch my son play baseball on a chilly fall day. It’s not an easy thing, being here for every game. Projects, obligations, life are calling. But, every time they start calling too loudly, I think of my dad.

Dad never missed a game or school play or any important moment, exciting or mundane. He didn’t do it because he felt obligated. He loved it. He wanted every moment he could have with us. One day I asked him how he could be there for all of it. I knew how many projects he always had going, how many other things were vying for his time. He said simply, “because you guys are growing up so fast.”

Fast forward and I have three of my own who are growing up fast. I am now convinced that being a parent is the hardest job around. It’s the one job that takes you up as high as you can possibly go, and the next minute, will have you in the dirt. How did he make this look so easy?

I have been needing and sorely missing my dad’s calm, straightforward, advice (usually delivered with a bit of mischievous humor). He had a way of seeing straight through to the heart of any situation and knowing what to do. When I became a teacher, and later a mom, his advice was “be consistent, be patient, and have fun.” I have yet to master those things that he made look like a walk in the park. He never actually vocalized “Always show up for your kids, no matter what,” but he said it with his actions every single day.

I work to do better every day at this parenting job, the one that dad made look so easy. And while I have a lot to learn, I think at least I have the one thing down.

So at each baseball game, school play, at each success or failure, I will be there picking them up and cheering them on because I got to see what it felt like for someone to do that for me while I once grew up fast. And it felt like love.