Alan loved deeply. If you were lucky to be loved by him, it was forever and a day. You loved Al unconditionally, that is what drew you to him.

My father died just days before his birthday. He always loved silly gifts and pranks–I keep seeing the “perfect gift” ideas for him in the weeks before his birthday.

I miss calling him to hear him rattle on about politics and playing his guitar. I cried when I got a promotion at work and couldn’t call him to share my news so he could celebrate with me. No matter what, he was always my biggest supporter and when hard times came he reminded me that “this too shall pass.”

He always had multiple projects going at once–learning to play guitar, woodworking projects, house projects, a new book, or landscaping projects. He left so many projects unfinished, and we continue to find more unfinished projects as we go. He had so many plans and ideas, and he will never be able to finish them.

He left so us suddenly. He was sick, then in the hospital, then better and released to go home. Then, he suddenly got worse. I begged and screamed at him that he needed to go back to the hospital. He finally relented and said he would go, but didn’t make it out the door and died at home as he was putting his shoes on to go to the ER. The paramedics did their best but weren’t able to revive him.

My last words to him were to tell him to go to the hospital, and his last words to me were “I guess I’m not progressing quite the way I should be.”

In April 2019, Dad and I were holding my grandson’s hands as we walked, swinging him up as he jumped, lifting his legs to fly above a step. I had no idea this would be the last grandchild to hold his hand.

I remember all the hands he held. Watching over the years, in all the different locations.
On beaches, streets, walkways, and in buildings.

Both of my grandmothers’ hands. His sons’ hands when they were little, mine throughout my life. His grandchildren’s hands at every age and his great grandchildren’s hands as they were just beginning.

Mostly though, I remember him holding my Mom’s hand. Everyday, as though they were just starting their life together, even though that was long ago. She misses holding his hand, it was so much a part of who they were together.

Back in the 90’s, my Father-in-law Al, brothers-in-law and I had gone out on Sanibel Island to finish a ‘Hang 10’ promotion. If we filled a 10 punch card by buying food or drinks we would get a free Hang 10 t-shirt.

I remember going to Gilligan’s Restaurant & Bar and as we walked in, Al hollered at the bartender “Hey!”

“Hello” was his reply.

Al continued, “These are my three brothers,” pointing at the three of us “Do you believe that?”

All of us grinning and Al laughing.

We left with our Hang 10 shirts that night. We wore them for years. Al still had his. Gilligan’s is gone now and so is he.

There were lots of good times on vacation with Al.

I know you’re looking down at me, seeing what I’ve accomplished and what I’ve failed at. I try my best to be half the person you were. Everything seemed so perfect when you were by my side. Keep guiding me. I want to make you proud. Forever in my heart.