When I hear the word “anniversary” it always brings up a happy thought–be it a wedding anniversary or another milestone, etc. etc. but your anniversary of your passing is the hardest and saddest anniversary.

You had no choice that fateful day 5 years ago. Never would we think that Covid would take you so quickly and now today I celebrate the 5th anniversary of your passing.
Life goes on. We continue to move forward but it is the life we didn’t expect or want. Losing a spouse is the hardest thing to have to endure. It’s losing your half, your person, your dreams of what you will do together

I keep your memory in my heart and that is how I will honor you today. We will laugh some over funny memories and that will keep us going through the years.

Your life was cut too short at 66 years old. Covid, we hate what you have done to our family.

As I await the birth of a new grandchild this spring, I think of what happened 5 years ago on April 14th 2020.

My husband Mike lost a battle to Covid. One minute I was talking to him– 40 minutes later he was gone.

Mike was so excited when our first grandchild was born. He proudly bored anyone who would listen and look at photos. We then had two more before Mike passed but they were so young that no one remembers him–only through stories.

Mike had such a wealth of knowledge on many subjects. He loved the Yankees and could not wait to get his childhood baseball glove ready for a game of catch with his first grandson William.

Mike was also a great swimmer and loved the ocean and building sandcastles with his children and was ready to start digging in the sand again.

So many lives were cut short and so many of us who remain will never have know the knowledge they had to pass down.

Now another grandchild will have no idea who this great man was and will look at a picture and never know his love. I grew up without a grandfather. He passed before I was born but I will always cherish his stories.

Our dad, who enjoyed “modifying” our Seders, would (no doubt) have had quite the riff on the plagues this year. He was a proud Vet. Everything that’s going on right now in this country would have killed him. But COVID got him first.

Our love of baseball started with our dad. He would tell us about his playing stickball–this old fashioned version of baseball–when he grew up in New York City. He used a broomstick as a bat and a rubber ball and it was a very popular sport back in the day. The rules were the same as for baseball. It was played locally as the streets became the ball field. Johnny and I grew up loving baseball too. I have such fond memories of our dad taking us to see the Mets at the Polo Grounds as young kids … Johnny and I went to many N.Y. Mets games together at Shea Stadium and watched so many games on TV together.

For Johnny’s 60th Birthday I took him to the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY. We loved the museum’s collection of historic baseball artifacts, photographs, and documents. This trip was one of so many wonderful memories of my brother.

About a week before he died, we were looking forward to baseball season and going to future games together. Tragically he died of Covid, on a ventilator, on April 11, 2020. I lost my brother and best friend and I miss him everyday. I hope for Johnny’s sake and my dad’s sake they have baseball in heaven.

When I think about five years ago, in the month of March, I never could have believed that April would turn my life and countless others into such grief. I lost my husband on April 14, 2020–a call from the hospital at 5:20 telling me he passed when I was just speaking with him at 4:10. How could this disease reek such havoc in a matter of an hour?

I have been one of the lucky ones.I have a support system in place with Covid survivors and with my Covid group the WTF on Monday evenings. At a moments notice I can call them day or night and they understand.

It is a horrible feeling to feel so lost without your person and to try and make a new life. It’s been five years but I know that he isn’t coming back and I have to choose life. To live and not to just exist. But Covid still is hell and will continue because no one cares and they didn’t care then. If you weren’t touched then you just made sourdough bread.