Poem: Still Here

I woke up this morning and you were gone again.
I went for a walk, and you were still gone.
I drove away, and you were more gone.

You keep getting gone again and again.
Gone and gone again and again and again.
Do you ever stop being gone?

I laughed with friends and right in the middle of our laughter
You showed up and you were gone again.

It never stops. It never goes away.
You just keep going and going here.
So much gone.

“Your brother’s heart stopped. He’s gone.”
But it keeps stopping . . . not every day,
Sometimes when I least expect it.
When I’m doing the laundry or making dinner
Or in the middle of a conversation
Your heart stops again and again.

Your goneness never fades away or disappears.
It is my constant companion —
Sitting next to me on the edge of the bed.