Dear Elsie and Graeme,

It’s Father’s Day and there is so much I want to share with you about your Papa (Daddy) and so much I wish you had gotten to know about him from your own experiences.

Graeme, when I look at you and see the happy and silly little boy you have become, I can’t help but feel sad that you didn’t get to really know your Dad like you should have. You were only four months old when Papa was taken to the hospital. I was holding you as the paramedics carried Papa down the stairs. He looked at you and you were looking at him. I am sorry that was the last moment between you two in person. But you had one more special moment with your Papa two days before he died. I was Facetiming with him and you started to make your cute baby noises. Although Papa was heavily sedated, he heard you and the nurse told me he tried to open his eyes. Graeme, he loved you so much and wanted to tell you that and that is why he tried to open his eyes, baby boy. I know your Papa would be so proud of you and amazed by your humor, observant ways, and loving heart. He would be super excited to see that you have taken an interest in guitars and tools. You truly are like your Papa in many ways, and that is a joy to watch.

Elsie, you were only two when Papa left that morning. I kept you in the guest room because I didn’t want you to see how sick Papa looked. You watched him get loaded into the ambulance and I explained how he was going to the hospital because he was sick and they were going to make him better. Elsie, I thought he was going to get better. I thought I called for help in time. Papa was young and healthy and I truly thought he was going to get the help he needed and come home to us. Elsie, Papa loved you beyond words and loved watching you be the best big sister ever. He enjoyed taking you to the Little Gym and the Park, those were your special places where you both made special memories. Like Graeme, you had a special moment with Papa while he was in the hospital and we Facetimed with him. You were talking to Papa and told him to get better soon, and when he heard you say that he tried to talk, but couldn’t because he was hooked up to a machine. I know he wanted to tell you he loves you and was trying to get better. I am sorry he didn’t but know that he tried so hard to get back to us and the family he loved more than anything. Elsie, I know he would love seeing the silly, spunky, and creative little girl you have become. I also know he would love watching you be brave going down the biggest and fastest slide at the park and would be cheering you on.

Elsie and Graeme — I am sorry you have to live this life without your Papa. I am sorry he didn’t get better. I am sorry I couldn’t save him. Please know that I tried so hard to make him better. Most of all, I am sorry more people don’t care about your loss. I am sorry so many people don’t truly understand how losing your Papa has already affected your lives nor do they comprehend how your loss will be something that you will carry with you for the rest of your lives. That being said, I want you to know that Mommy is trying her hardest to make sure your Papa will never be forgotten and that one day he will be honored as the hero he truly is. Just know that I will always share your story with others to not only raise awareness about how loss affects children like you, but to make sure your story and stories like yours are the reason behind change. You two are truly amazing and I am proud to be your Mommy and I know your Papa is looking down from heaven and is proudly smiling at his amazing Elsie and Graeme..

Love always,
Mommy