Donovan, my heart breaks every day when I wake up and realize you didn’t survive Covid. Yesterday was five years since you passed. “Since you passed” — I say that and just don’t believe it, and that sounds like I’m crazy but it’s the truth. Part of me believes you are still living but just too busy. I guess my mental health isn’t so great huh?

I am trying to be okay. I bleached my hair and died it pink, for you. I miss you so much and I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I believe you are around everyone that loved you. We see signs: dragonflies, storm clouds, shooting stars, songs that come on when I need to hear what you listened to–that makes me feel closer to you.

Sometimes I feel like I am not supporting your sister enough. I wish I could get better at that, it’s so hard. This life is exhausting, but I am grateful for being your mom forever. I am grateful for you being my son. Always.

I love you Donovan.
Mom xoxo (sorry I am all over the place)