“Father and Son” by Cat Stevens. A song I’ve always loved, as well as my late great father. Sitting on the boat as we sailed around the world, I contracted dengue. Sicker than heck, dad gave me some of his precious ice cream (boat in the middle of nowhere) and we were listening to music. Out comes “Father and Son.” On that day, nearly 20 years ago, he told me about how he’d found out his father passed at work and that the CD happened to be playing that song when he got into the car to get home. He played it on repeat for the whole 40 minutes home. I knew at that point, that would be his song too.

I never in my life thought I’d have to play it so soon, watching him depart on his eternal sail via a video call from my sister in the ICU room halfway around the world (Dad in North Carolina, my wife and I in Phuket, Thailand). Within a few seconds of his passing, beyond the normal emotional explosion of ?!?!, I turned the boat radio on as loud as possible (working on a boat at that time in a marina) and played “Father and Son.” I got to do that for him. I needed to do that for me even more I think.

I didn’t care about the boats and people next to me and the disturbances I made–Smashing a wooden paddle against the boat. The anger. The feeling of inexplicable pain. Luckily everyone left me alone, my wife came running from the house down the road to be there, just missing my dad’s passing, unfortunately. She was like a daughter to him, and vice-versa.

As dad’s ashes sit in a plastic urn (he didn’t want anything fancy, cheap Charlie) covered in photos, in North Carolina, at my sister’s house, I am getting ready to sail with my wife from Spain to the Caribbean to release my father to the sea to be with my mom, and finally have closure since the 26th of January 2021.

The boat is only possible due to my dad and being fortunate. Best part is, the boat is named ‘Dawdle’ — a word Dad would always use. It’s like he is here.

Best part is, just before purchasing it, we saw the signs from Dad … yellow heart in the sunrise that morning and a yellow butterfly flying around me, my wife, and our new home (the boat).

To honor the fallen and the grieving, I have placed 4 yellow hearts on the bottom of the boat, and other yellow hearts around the boat. There will be flags flying them and on the sails in the near future.

We are yellow hearts. They are more than a number. And we are not alone!

I miss you dad.

Father and Son. Thank you for that song, Cat Stevens.