On April 7, 2020, my older brother, Wilmard went into the hospital. It was during Easter Week. He was intubated approximately 15 hours after being admitted. He sent a video from his hospital room. He had an oxygen mask on, but he told us that there was fluid in his lungs. He said, “this is not good.” That was the last verbal communication we had with him.

The rest of the communication was via texts. Our family felt helpless because we couldn’t be there for him. It was Easter Week and we prayed hard, hoping for a miracle. I remember texting him every day although I knew he couldn’t answer. But I hoped his phone was near enough for him to feel our love and prayers. I played the song, “The Blessing” when I couldn’t pray anymore. I prayed novenas and tried to stay as positive as I could. Wouldn’t a miracle during Easter Week bring our brother back?

Three years later and the memories and the pain come gushing back like a tidal wave. It sweeps us under the current and we have to push ourselves up with all of our being to get above water. It is exhausting. But how exhausting must it have been for my dear brother who fought so hard but didn’t get above the water.

I am still so sad and angry at the same time. How I wish we could have been there for him and helped him push through. How I wish we could’ve held his hand, prayed with and for him and given him that extra push so he could survive this. He was always there for us. He loved us. He advised us. He guided us. He prayed for us. He encouraged us. And, in the end, COVID ripped away any chance we had to be there for him. We were left with so many emotions and yet those emotions don’t amount to what he had to endure.

I pray my brother saw the eyes of the Lord when he passed three days after Easter Sunday on April 15, 2020 alone in a New York hospital. I pray our Dear Lord welcomed him with open arms right alongside our parents. I pray my brother is at peace because I’m still trying to find it. My prayers are with all who lost loved ones to this horrible virus. May God bless each and everyone. And to my dear brother in heaven, I love and miss you with all my heart. Please watch over your children, grandchildren, your wife, siblings and the rest of our family.

Happy Easter, from your sis.