Johnny and I had the most wonderful grandmother who always lived with us since the day we were born. She immigrated by herself to America at 18 years old after World War 1. We both took German classes in High School for 4 years. It was a lot of fun and hard work when we practiced together speaking and writing German with her.

Before Johnny died, we often spoke about getting dual citizenship with Germany as our Mother had both German and American citizenship. We found out that when we were born our mother could not pass her German citizenship down to us because she married our father, who was American. This disappointed both of us. Recently I discovered that Germany has changed their rules so that I can become a dual citizen. Johnny would have been ecstatic. Auf wiedersehen bis spater Johnny — Until we meet again.

Rest in Peace Johnny.

Today, I am thinking about my dad, and my brother Dave, and my Uncle BJ. I did not lose them all to COVID, just my dad. However, this July 4th is particularly painful for me because all three were proud Vets. On this day, it was their tradition to go fishing and grill out. Sometimes they’d include us, but often it was just the three of them.

“This,” (what is going on in this country) would have made them sick to their stomachs.

Here it is again. June 28th. This year would be thirty-eight years since the day we met. I’ll celebrate again like I have every year since you took your place in the stars five years ago.

I’ll pick up a tall, iced cappuccino to honor our anniversary tradition and I’ll head down to the riverside park where you first smiled and said hello and changed our lives.

The last four years, as I watched the condensation bead and roll down the side of the cup, I felt tears of sadness being separated from you.

This year feels different though. When I see the droplets coursing down the cup, I’ll know you are seated next to me remembering the life and good times we shared for thirty-three years, content to know we are moving forward together: me here and you at my side in spirit.

Happy Anniversary.

These hallmark days are so hard for those of us who no longer have a dad or husband. It just reminds us of what we are missing. No one to give a care to or a present. No barbecue to honor them.

However, I honor you Mike. The garden would always be planted with flowers and that is how I will spend my day. I will fill the garden with as many colors of flowers as I can. Even the neighbors will comment when I am done–not that I did a great job but that Mike would be happy to see all the colors.

Miss you, and will be talking to you all day long to see if you like what I did and if I should buy more …

Dear Pop,

I never realized that a job change would have such a tremendous impact on me. But alas, I stand corrected because a job change lead me to you, my Dad, my hero, my best friend, my Pop. Instead of being a Family Nurse Practitioner in one clinic everyday, I now travel to different clinics each shift. And with each clinic site comes exciting new challenges, opportunities to learn more, be better than even you were the day before and truly make a difference in people’s lives. Making a difference in others lives, seeing someone look up at you and genuinely smile, you know you’ve made a difference out there in the world, you can’t put a price on that feeling.

It’s on the roads to and from the clinics that I can listen to music and on one particular evening, I was on my way home from a clinic about an hour from home, about to get on the interstate, when I saw you standing there on the side of the road. Was it a ghost of you? Was I that exhausted from a 12 hour shift? It was an older gentleman, fixing the straps on the back of his truck as he was hauling a dishwasher. I could have sworn it was you; if anything, he was an Angel sent down to remind me that you are still everywhere surrounding me with love, just like you always did.

In that moment, in just an instant, that road lead me back to when I first lost you. I realized that my grief was so profound, so sad, that it inhibited me from being able to see just how similar we were, how we share these parallels in our lives that I can’t believe I never thought about before.

And the next uncanny thing I know, one of our favorite songs came on my playlist that night and chills ran down my spine because I had just seen a physical reminder of you and now this, our song “Lovely Day,” by Bill Wither came on. I still see 8-year-old me in the truck with you, on a Saturday morning, looking over to your face, the sunlight beaming down through the window amplifying your massive, grinchy grin, as you belted out the lyrics quite badly might I add. You’d sing “Then, I look at you, and the worlds alright with me, just one look at you.”

Since you were 16 years old, you were the hardest worker with the best attitude. You learned the laundry and appliance business from your father-in-law, then you started your own appliance business and commercial laundromats all over three states. You spent your entire life happily serving others in the community and traveling the same roads I do now.

I used to get so mad at you on holidays when you’d have to leave unexpectedly to go fix an oven. But you didn’t have to, you chose to–you did it because you cared. You’d always kneel down to my level and tell me “I’ll be back soon my Disney Princess, if I don’t help this family, they will be without a Thanksgiving meal because their oven is broken, but I can fix it and save their holiday.” And just like that, his soft voice, his smile, his sincerity to want to help others, my Dad stole my heart.

Now, I realize what a true hero he really was. Countless holidays my Dad made better, happier. How many meals he saved for people. All the many roads he traveled happily every day.

Pop, you helped me realize just how similar we are. As a Family Nurse Practitioner, you paved the roads for my happiness. I too have found happiness traveling those same roads and am dedicated to helping and serving my community just as you did. And as I do, I will always and forever happily, badly karaoke Bill Wither’s “Lovely Day” in your honor. Pop, you will always live in my heart. May I continue to carry on your legacy and help as many people as I can. May I make them all smile, just as big as you did. I will always love you, Pop.