My brother Johnny caught Covid-19 in a nursing home early in the Pandemic. The day they had originally expected him to be discharged from rehab and go home, he wound up on a ventilator instead.

A week later, a critical care physician called to tell me that his major organs had shut down. My mother and I made the heart-wrenching decision to take my 65-year-old brother off life support. Luckily I knew this would have been his decision in this horrific and hopeless situation since he had a living will. Nevertheless, we were still traumatized and haunted by being the agent of demise for a loved one we so dearly cared for.

My mother and I never stop talking about Johnny and we will never forget him. We share with each other all our memories. Eventually I hope my mother and I will get to the place where we can find peace and more joy instead of so much sorrow. I also hope that, instead of dwelling on the very difficult way Johnny died, we can enjoy more of the wonderful memories of how he lived.

Today as I took communion, I thought of you afterwards. We always shared the communion wafer and broke it in half. I had a whole one this time … I treasure the memories like this.

My mom loved Madonna. She would pretend to be Madonna and perform in the living room. One day she decided to get up on the glass coffee table to perform “Like a Virgin.” The glass shattered and she went through it! We never let her live that down, and that song was an inside joke for many years!

Any time it was on, you had to watch it. It was your favorite. You would tell me to sit and watch it with you. As a teenager I never did. I had no interest. Now, I’d give anything to sit next to you watching it. You were taken from me. Stolen. Gone with the wind.

During my last year of grad school my dad was working nights and we barely saw each other during the week. We kept a notebook where we wrote each other a daily note, whether it was encouraging, loving, a quick doodle or a funny memory.

One of my favorites from him was, “Happy Friday! I love you so much. We are blessed to have a daughter like you in our lives. I cleaned snow off your car. Please drive slow.”
Love always, Tata