Cannot believe today is my 3rd Father’s Day without my Dad. Very strange that it seems like he was just here.

Dad enjoyed the simpler things in life. Throughout my childhood and adulthood, in the morning we would walk to the Borough Hall for a delicious Father’s Day brunch. Dad loved the blueberry pancakes they served and looked forward to this brunch every year.

Then we would return home for Dad to open his presents. A favorite he would receive every year were homemade chocolate covered cherries from the local candy shop. He would always pass the box around to share with us. That’s usually the last time we saw those cherries.

We would just hang around the house all day. Dad would read his newspaper out on the deck. The trees would be blowing in the wind providing shade and the perfect breeze. Dad really enjoyed this.

Then Dad would go inside to watch his favorite baseball team play on TV, the New York Mets. After the game, he would always take the obligatory nap.

Then for dinner, some years we would go out to a restaurant. But most years, we would have a bar-b-que where Dad would man the grill. Mom finished with all the salads and corn on the cob while Dad cooked the burgers and hot dogs, to everyone’s preference.
After I was married, my husband took over the grill for Dad, giving Dad the chance to relax on his day. Those dinners out on the deck were the best!

Then we would have his favorite for dessert, strawberry shortcake. After we cleaned up, sometimes we would go out for a walk.

What I wouldn’t give for just one more Father’s Day exactly like this.

Then more recently while Mom & Dad were in assisted living, my husband and I would have brunch with them there, then later I would go out and bring back a lobster dinner for Mom (her last in 2018), a steak dinner for Dad along with dinners for my husband and I. Of course, we would have the required strawberry shortcake for dessert.

Then, unbeknownst to us, Father’s Day together with Dad in 2019 would be our last. My husband and I had brunch with Dad then later we took him out for a steak dinner to his favorite restaurant. His strawberry shortcake for dessert, of course, would be waiting for him in his room.

We almost made it to one more year in 2020; but Dad passed away from Covid on June 7th, two weeks before Father’s Day, my first without him.

Loved my daddy’s humor. Always got a kick out of giving me a hard time.

I would always say “Daddy, I’m your favorite right?” … and he would just look at me. Finally, one day he said “Yes, you are. ” I was so excited. Then he says, “You are my favorite daughter.” I was so thrilled, then I realized “Wait I’m his only daughter!”

Love this daddy of mine.

My dear brother Johnny died of Covid in the very beginning of the pandemic on Long Island. Like our father, he was an avid New York sports fan. They both particularly loved baseball — the Mets and the Yankees. I have many fond memories going with my father and brother to the Polo Grounds and Shea Stadium to see the Mets play.

My dad used to take big groups of kids from our neighborhood to all these games. I am still processing the deaths of my brother and father. I have learned keeping time in a bottle, like the Jim Croce song, has helped. I try to keep the joy that they lived alive.

Dear Elsie and Graeme,

It’s Father’s Day and there is so much I want to share with you about your Papa (Daddy) and so much I wish you had gotten to know about him from your own experiences.

Graeme, when I look at you and see the happy and silly little boy you have become, I can’t help but feel sad that you didn’t get to really know your Dad like you should have. You were only four months old when Papa was taken to the hospital. I was holding you as the paramedics carried Papa down the stairs. He looked at you and you were looking at him. I am sorry that was the last moment between you two in person. But you had one more special moment with your Papa two days before he died. I was Facetiming with him and you started to make your cute baby noises. Although Papa was heavily sedated, he heard you and the nurse told me he tried to open his eyes. Graeme, he loved you so much and wanted to tell you that and that is why he tried to open his eyes, baby boy. I know your Papa would be so proud of you and amazed by your humor, observant ways, and loving heart. He would be super excited to see that you have taken an interest in guitars and tools. You truly are like your Papa in many ways, and that is a joy to watch.

Elsie, you were only two when Papa left that morning. I kept you in the guest room because I didn’t want you to see how sick Papa looked. You watched him get loaded into the ambulance and I explained how he was going to the hospital because he was sick and they were going to make him better. Elsie, I thought he was going to get better. I thought I called for help in time. Papa was young and healthy and I truly thought he was going to get the help he needed and come home to us. Elsie, Papa loved you beyond words and loved watching you be the best big sister ever. He enjoyed taking you to the Little Gym and the Park, those were your special places where you both made special memories. Like Graeme, you had a special moment with Papa while he was in the hospital and we Facetimed with him. You were talking to Papa and told him to get better soon, and when he heard you say that he tried to talk, but couldn’t because he was hooked up to a machine. I know he wanted to tell you he loves you and was trying to get better. I am sorry he didn’t but know that he tried so hard to get back to us and the family he loved more than anything. Elsie, I know he would love seeing the silly, spunky, and creative little girl you have become. I also know he would love watching you be brave going down the biggest and fastest slide at the park and would be cheering you on.

Elsie and Graeme — I am sorry you have to live this life without your Papa. I am sorry he didn’t get better. I am sorry I couldn’t save him. Please know that I tried so hard to make him better. Most of all, I am sorry more people don’t care about your loss. I am sorry so many people don’t truly understand how losing your Papa has already affected your lives nor do they comprehend how your loss will be something that you will carry with you for the rest of your lives. That being said, I want you to know that Mommy is trying her hardest to make sure your Papa will never be forgotten and that one day he will be honored as the hero he truly is. Just know that I will always share your story with others to not only raise awareness about how loss affects children like you, but to make sure your story and stories like yours are the reason behind change. You two are truly amazing and I am proud to be your Mommy and I know your Papa is looking down from heaven and is proudly smiling at his amazing Elsie and Graeme..

Love always,
Mommy

My cousin was camping at a campground I used to go to with my parents all the time. Earlier in the day I was telling her the campsites my dad favored. She then sent me a picture … it was the front campsite we’d spent so many holidays and summers on … the truck in the photo is a pristine Chevy (my dad always kept his vehicles in top notch shape) and the plate says “Larry’s truck.” We always went camping around Father’s Day. He’s there, doing what he loved.

My daddy has been gone a year and three months. Since then I’ve gotten engaged and my fiancé and I are building our first home together. I know he would be proud and so happy for us. Some days I don’t even feel like he’s actually gone and then it hits me. He’s really gone forever. This isn’t some bad dream; this is now my reality. I just want to hug him again and tell him I love him. Father’s Day is coming up and this will be the second one without him. He wasn’t materialistic but I always got him something and we had lunch together. He appreciated the simple things in life.

I know he’s proud of me and always “with me” but I wish he was here. He should still be here with me.

I love you daddy.