I’m remembering my Grandma Carol this afternoon, as I take the giant bag of candy from where I’d hid it a few weeks ago. Grandma had a thing for Twizzlers. So, she would purposefully not buy Halloween candy assortments that included Twizzlers because she felt she had no willpower and would gobble it all up before the trick or treat kids rang her doorbell. It was a family joke, and we’d tease her every October, bringing her a package of her own, though we knew it wasn’t good for her teeth. But who cares about that now? And why did we even think it mattered? I wish that for Halloween 2019 I’d bought her a million packages of all her favorite things.

Seeing and hearing all the references to the Covid testing paraphernalia having been sent to Putin for his private use sickens me more than I can express. There were no tests at my father’s nursing home facility. There was only the virus, wandering down the empty halls, popping in to one room, and then the next, until no one was left to infect.

In the next few days, on October 22nd, it will be my big brother’s birthday. He would have celebrated his 70th. But instead, we continue to mourn his passing. It would have been a simple celebration. My brother was not the kind to want big celebrations. Just being with his family was celebration enough.

This weekend my family and I will be gathering to celebrate the October birthdays (there are four) and will also celebrate my big brother’s 70th. I hope he will hear us singing to him as he many times, sang to us.

Happy birthday in heaven, my brother.

When I think about four years ago, April 2020, I lost my husband to Covid. I lost my job, the one I loved, I lost my husband’s social security and I was too young at the time to collect. However my bills and mortgage still came. I couldn’t get in touch with anyone from the NYC pension office. So, for four months, no money came in. I was alone. No one came because of Covid. I did survive, like so many of us. But it still bothers me when people say you are strong. I say I am resilient because I had no choice.

Here is to all us survivors who managed to come out of the tsunami …

Me and Stephani were looking up at the night sky. After a few minutes there was a shooting star right where we were looking. We both said “thank you Donovan.”

I miss you so much …