It’s here again. Christmas Eve. The fourth one without you. They say it gets easier over time. They don’t know what they’re talking about. All those special holiday celebrations and rituals are no fun without you.

The tree is up. It’s covered with all the ornaments we collected during our travels together. Each one brings a smile, remembering a good time in a new place away from home. There are also cat and dog ornaments to honor the pets that gave us so much joy. The newest one is the one I had made to honor you. It hangs in the middle of the tree, at eye level, so everyone can see your name and remember the happiness you brought them.

I just finished baking one last batch of Christmas cookies — the first time since the pandemic started. They’re the ones you liked the best. The healthy ones loaded with butter and sugar. Don’t chuckle. It’s true. I felt your presence in the kitchen as I worked, just like past times. I guess that’s why they came out perfectly. If only you could taste them to make sure.

All the gifts are packed and ready to go. I’ll head to Massachusetts in the morning. Everyone will remember you and all the Christmases we shared together. I hope you’ll be there too.

You’ll know the Christmas song The Carpenters released back in the 70s, “Merry Christmas Darling.” Tonight, I’ll look at your picture and sing it to you. Most likely tears will be rolling down my cheeks. It’s the only gift I can give you now.

I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too
I’ve just one wish on this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you
I wish I were with you.