My mom was always the first to call me at midnight on my birthday. Since her passing in 2020, my birthday hasn’t been the same. I am sad and keep isolated.

This year, for some reason, I felt different and did what mom would want me to do … I celebrated my 60 years with my children, grandchildren and friends, I went to moms favorite place “the casino,” and I gambled.

Mom loved the slot machines and so that’s what I did. I was happy and definitely felt my mom with me, especially when I heard “ding ding ding.” Yes, I won, and I know that my mom playing with me. Mom, you are my favorite Birth-Day present.

I’ve never enjoyed celebrating my birthday, but was convinced to go to dinner this year. I walked out from the restaurant, and looked up to see the hospital where you passed away. Alone. Isolated in a room at the beginning of the pandemic. Three years later, society has forgotten, but I have not.

A new year, a new variant, and does anyone even care anymore?

It’s been almost three years since my husband passed from Covid and this virus still rages on. Will we ever find peace from this nightmare? My small peace has been the Covid spouses friends that I found on Facebook. They’ve become my new family.

I wish Mike could have met them.

As 2023 approaches, I think of all us who lost someone to Covid. So many like me will be going into our third year without our loved ones beside us. We survived the holidays with a hole in our hearts and a sadness they will never go away. But I want to wish all peace for the new year.

Tim was Catholic, I am Jewish. I never celebrated Christmas or even decorated a tree until I met Tim. Once we started living together we would have my mom and sister over for Christmas, so it was the 4 of us and Tim’s brother who lived with us. We’d combine traditions by having Christmas ham and my mom would make latkes. One of my favorite holiday pictures is of the lit menorah with the Christmas tree in the background.

Tim was in charge of making the Christmas ham and it was always so good. But the best part was using the leftover ham for split pea soup for New Year’s. I was never a fan of split pea soup, but Tim made the BEST split pea soup.

Without Tim I’m back to “Jewish Christmas” which is Chinese food and movies on Christmas day, but I do miss our combined traditions.