My husband, Dan Stoyka, would have been 66 years old today and we miss him terribly.

Dan grew up in Detroit, Pontiac, and Onaway, Michigan. He loved the outdoors, hunting, fishing, and riding motorcycles. His two children are Elizabeth and Jaden and his four grandchildren are Zachary, Owen, Avery, and Cora. Dan was a proud veteran and had a heart for those who are homeless.

This is our third birthday without him. We miss him so very much. In his honor, we buy a birthday cake at the store for someone who has ordered one, also for May 26th. We do this anonymously and I put a note in saying that this is in memory of my husband, who died due to Covid. It makes the day special for us and hopefully it brightens someone else’s day too.

I love and miss you, sweetheart.

I don’t know anyone well who died of COVID, but I have some friends suffering from what is known as “long COVID.” COVID is certainly not over for them. And living in Manhattan, I remember the pain and shock I experienced when I saw the refrigerated trucks parked by nearby hospitals. In reading the anthology prepared by Martha Greenwald, and attending the 5/20/23 reading of selections from the book, it became clear to me that while the most significant losses were experienced by those who lost loved ones, as a society we all suffered losses. The anti-vaccine, anti-masking groups, and those who thought the impact of COVID was being exaggerated for political reasons, contributed to the growing divisiveness in our country and no doubt impacted the ability of some to truly comfort and empathize with those who lost so much.

The book and the readings conveyed the powerful losses in poignant ways, and the commitment to sharing memories of loved ones who were lost shows the on-going strength of those who participated in the Who We Lost Project. It is a contribution to us all for which we can be thankful.

I am commenting on the gathering at Q.E.D. Astoria on 5/20/2023: an intimate, poignant, consoling & cathartic experience of shared grief. My husband now plans on sharing whowelost.org with a former coworker who lost her father during the height of the pandemic & who, like so many, was not able to have that final closure a funeral provides. My husband & I both believe the support of whowelost.org will be of great help to her–and countless others. Thank you for this invaluable bastion of support–perhaps even more valuable at present when it seems more people than not simply want to “move on,” and have you “get over it.”

Another spring season without you but I am planting the flowers in the garden that was your pride and joy. You always bought way too many and wound up giving them away to neighbors because there wasn’t enough room.

Everyone commented that Mike’s flowers are in again–“He would be happy.” This year, I didn’t buy as many … hard to look at the house when the flowers brighten everything. I still feel that I will walk in the house and you will be there with your muddy shoes on, having a Coca-Cola.

On Saturday afternoon, May 20, 2023, family and friends, among them a circle of survivors bonded by the loss of loved ones to the COVID-19 virus, gathered at QED in Astoria, New York. We were there to recognize the publication of Who We Lost: A Portable COVID Memorial and to share our stories honoring our loved ones.

It was an emotional day. Even the weather seemed to mourn as copious amounts of rain fell from the sky. It was wonderful to personally meet so many people who I have only ever known as a face in a little box on a Zoom meeting screen.

It seemed as if we were finally holding a wake or sitting Shiva — something many of us were unable to do early on in the pandemic. We laughed; we cried; we remembered; we validated their importance in our lives. And, we left committed to keeping their memories alive.

In the story I read about my husband, Jody Settle, I talked about how he enjoyed the music of Willie Nelson. When I got home on Saturday, ready to decompress, I turned on the radio only to hear Willie Nelson’s song “You Were Always On My Mind” pour forth from the speakers. A few tears rolled down my cheeks as I laughed out loud. I could only imagine Jody telling me that all of them had gathered together to remember us.