My very elderly mother now resides in an Assisted Living Facility. She used to live with my brother Johnny who was her caregiver. I recently placed a small Christmas tree with white lights in her efficiency. My mom loved the tree but wanted to know why the tree did not have angels. She remembered that every year her son Johnny surrounded her Christmas tree with angel ornaments.

This is the third Christmas since my mother lost her son to Covid. She misses him terribly as they were so close. Understandably, her pain is worse than mine and I do my best to comfort her, sharing our memories of Johnny .

Our German-born grandmother lived with my brother Johnny and me on Long Island since we were born. She was a young widow and my mother an only child. “Nana” had owned a German restaurant and bakery and was an excellent cook and baker. She taught us German when we were very young.

Starting months before Christmas we all baked so many holiday cookies with our grandmother. We loved making Spitzbuben and Lebkuchen cookies. Spitzbuben are made from two layers of deliciously crumbly, buttery dough filled with red currant or raspberry jelly. In America these are called Linzer cookies. Our second favorite to make were Lebkuchen;: gingerbread cookies.

At Christmastime Johnny and I would bring tins of our cookies to neighbors and friends. They were always a big hit!

Today I made German gingerbread cookies and I felt Johnny was with me.
Auf Wiedersehen bis zum nächsten mal — Until we meet again in the future.
-Your sister, Marlene

I will never forget when John Lennon was murdered in NYC at his home at the Dakota. My husband Mike was so upset that this senseless murder could occur. He loved Lennon’s music, especially the song “So this is Christmas” that John sang.

When I hear that song, I remember Mike struggling with Lennon’s passing and now I struggle with Mike’s passing almost three years ago. So this is Christmas. And what have you done. Another year over. A new one to become.

One evening, my mom and I were in the car heading to my house during a rain storm. As we were traveling we were discussing the difficulties I was having with my pregnancy and all the worries for my unborn child.

As I exited the highway, it stopped raining and up above was a beautiful double rainbow. My loving caring mom looked at me and said “You see that? Those rainbows are for us, the baby is going to be fine.”

And just like that, my baby–almost 30 now–was born early, a Christmas baby girl, so beautiful and healthy.

That was the first and only time I saw a double rainbow.

Mom, I wouldn’t have wanted to share that view with anyone else. I miss you .

Watching you brush your hair …
“How do I look Shugga love?” … Dave always asked me …
“Handsome” I replied …
Missing the simple things we shared …