Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. In my opinion, there is nothing better than snuggling up on the couch with your family, having popcorn, and watching the original Halloween starring Laurie Strode and Michael Myers. It takes me back to the days when I was a little girl watching Michael, Freddy, and Jason, hiding in my Dad’s chest during the scariest parts. Halloween was always our thing, ever since I can remember.

I remember every detail. The way his hands looked carving pumpkins. His big smile as he took me trick or treating through the neighborhood. One of our neighbors used to grill each Halloween and hand out hot dogs instead of candy. One year, my older brother decided to give his hot dog to Pop to hold while he went to the next house to trick or treat. When my brother came back and asked where his hot dog was, Pop grinned really big and said “I ate it. Surely you didn’t expect me to just hold this hot dog all night for you”. That was a terrific night.

We did so many things together for Halloween that the memories flood my brain daily the closer it gets to October 31st. He always watched Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” with me. He said Vincent Price’s lines and nailed every word too. He and my mother and brothers chased me around the kitchen island with the lights out every time Napoleons “They’re coming to take me Away” came on. To this day, whenever I hear that song, I still get chills. He loved to play and sing “Monster Mash” to me. I miss that. I miss him.

We always went to Disney World for Halloween, too. We would go to Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party and dress up. One year, during the party, we managed to ride Space Mountain 14 times in a row! That was an amazing night. But then again, my Dad was quite an amazing man. He lived to be my Dad. He didn’t need a Halloween costume because he was my super hero everyday.

Each year, we would go to the Alabama Theatre to watch “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” We brought rice to throw, our umbrellas, toilet paper. We sang all the lyrics to “Dammit Janet” out loud. Don’t get me started on how well we could karaoke the “Time Warp.” I made him watch that movie a million times with me. And even on the millionth time he always made it so much fun.

Every year in grade school, we would have a big Halloween carnival in our school gym. Every year, my Dad would be there and he took me around to every game. From bobbing for apples, to picking up a yellow duck in the water with a color on it to win the big prize, and choosing a ghost dum-dum off the homemade spooky tree, we always had such a fantastic time. I can still smell the school gym. I remember holding his hand as we walked around the carnival. To me, he was so tall. I remember looking up and grinning big at him. These were the moments I wish could have lasted forever. I’d give anything to get them back. If only all my Halloweens were a VHS tape where you could press stop and rewind.

Pop left a lasting impression on my heart forever. I didn’t realize it back then but I do now. He was trying to give me the best memories and teach me traditions to carry forward with my family. So this year, while I know it will be emotional without him here for Halloween, we’ve decided to embark on our first trip to Disney World for Halloween. My beautiful husband and I are taking our son to Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party. It’s bittersweet for me. I miss his smile, his laugh. I miss riding Space Mountain with him a million times. I miss watching horror movies and hiding in his chest. I miss him chasing me around the kitchen while spooky music is playing on the clock radio. Halloween was always our thing, it was our tradition. Now, it is my journey to rediscover him, to find myself, to cherish those spooktacular memories that will be forever ingrained in my heart. Deep down in my heart of hearts, I know he wouldn’t want me to cry when we arrive at the Magic Kingdom. I know he would want me to live just as he did. As we arrive there at Cinderella’s Castle, and we are all dressed up: me as Alice, my husband and son my two Tweedles, I’m going to look up to the sky and grin really big and say “this one’s for you Pop and thank you for each and every spooky, funny, amazing Halloween memory you gave me.”

Someone recently asked me what my favorite Halloween memory was with him — was it watching Halloween, singing songs, watching the Great Pumpkin over and over again, being in Disney World? One might be inclined to think I’d give a very detailed response to this question. However, I simply said “There are way too many for me to choose just one and I am forever grateful for that.”

Watching the Disney show Buzz Light Year with my grandchildren, I was reminded of that one Christmas that Mike bought all his daughters a Buzz Light Year stuffed toy. We all looked at each other that morning, thinking ‘what are you crazy?’ They were teenagers at the time. But Buzz’s famous line in the movie was “to infinity and beyond” — which to Mike meant “reach for the stars.” You can do and achieve anything in this world. As a father of five daughters, he wanted to instill in them that any woman can do what a man can do. As he would say, “break the glass ceiling.”

In the hustle and bustle of the airport, noise all around me, with voices talking all together in excitement or just business, I sat there in silence thinking about my love, my Tom. I remember when I would get a call as I was waiting for my plane to talk about random things and just be excited to be with each other again soon. I usually found something funny as I sat there and would share my thoughts. This time, I kept my thoughts to myself as I sat alone. Sigh … tears started welling up as I struggled not to cry while waiting on the plane, and hearing the song “The Sound of Silence.”

Who is that woman sitting alone on the beach?
She looks so sad and distant and even out of reach.
Why is she sitting there all alone?
She won’t look up, she just keeps looking at her phone.
The waves are crashing methodically in the background,
Yet she doesn’t move or make a sound.
Is she okay?
It’s a beautiful day.
Do I approach her? She looks so sad.
What could have happened that was so bad?
I am that woman sitting alone on the beach.
I am in such despair and, yes, even out of reach.
My heart is shattered.
My mind is scattered.
I am filled with sadness and grief.
I lost both parents to Covid and I’m still in disbelief.
I’m looking at their pictures on my phone,
Talking to them, wishing I wasn’t alone,
Telling them I miss them every second of every day,
And asking if I’ll ever be okay.

by Belinda Trevino, in memory of her wonderful parents:
Mike Rivera
8/30/41 – 1/7/21
Mary Rivera
12/24/41 – 12/12/20

I just realized that when I do laundry, I still use my side for the hanging clothes and use my half of the baskets. I still sleep on my side of the bed. I miss the other half of me, my love. It’s been 9 months now …